Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Quick Detour To Awesome Town!

Today we're heading to awesome town to bring you this great excerpt posted on After Ellen from the incredible film director Kimberly Peirce:

Kimberly Peirce 

The Yale Daily News had a Q&A with director Kimberly Peirce in which she discusses what inspires her as a filmmaker and her own gender identity. An excerpt:
I call myself queer. I don’t identify as a lesbian or as a transsexual. We all go through phases throughout our life, so that’s why I identify as queer. But I’m probably somewhere close to transgender because I’m very much masculine as well as feminine. It’s just within me. I enjoy my feminism, but I certainly don’t revel in it in the same way many people do. I just am what I am. Lots of people feel freer these days, but there are still horrible things happening. There is more dialogue than there was. If you have the feeling of not being in the right body, there is more opportunity for self–acceptance today.

Kimberly Peirce is the only celebrity (not that I meet them often) that I have ever fully embarrassed myself in front of (aka lost my shit).
 It was the summer after my freshman year of college and just after Boys Don't Cry had come out.

Leading up to the film I kept finding one article after another on Peirce and the making of the film
Boys Don't Cry
Then later after watching a documentary about Boys Don't Cry(oh, how I miss old school Bravo),
On the Town
 I became increasingly blown away by just how fully she had invested herself in the process of this film's creation (a five year process if remember correctly).
The final result being one hell of a picture. 

Matt Lucas
Needless to say I thought she was a mega dreamboat (still do) smart, talented and beautiful.

So when I got lost in Manhattan one evening and happened to walk past her I was temporarily dumbfounded. 
Truly I just stood there not moving while she passed thinking over and over again, "that's, Kimberly Peirce who made Boys Don't Cry, I have to say something, I have to say something...."

Finally I turned around, now at least fifteen feet away, to see her climbing into a cab with her friend and I just yelled. 
Yes that's right like a crazy lady I just stood in the middle of the sidewalk and yelled "BOY'S DON'T CRY WAS AMAZING! IT WAS AMAZING!" 
As this was happing, I saw her friend start to rock with laughter. Meanwhile, Kimberly Pierce leaned forward to see who the hell this crazy was. 
At which point I bolted.
Running down the concrete street sidewalk, like a kid on celebrity crack, I couldn't help, but laugh. I was on cloud nine, even if I was an ass. 
Next time more adventures, in awkward, summertime fun! 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Growing Pains

Ah, lezzie's they grow up so fast....

Before I knew it my own summer of lust was ending and I was on my way home back to Virginia.
The Virginian.jpg
To say that my next two years of high-school were awkward may be an understatement.

This is preferably where I would insert a story of triumph and courage in the face of adversity. 
However, (I'm sad to say) when it came to high-school I don't really have any. It's not that I shelved every part of my summer at Sexplo (puh-leeze), but my journals from that time are a mix of boy and girl craziness.
I was fascinated by guys and yet always found myself having to mentally prepare when it came to intimacy (see: beyond first base).
On the other hand I also wanted to be with women,
but I didn't want to add to my already eccentric reputation.
Somehow I thought that if I could just make eyes long enough at the few out girls in school, maybe they would notice and lend a helping hand.
How were they to know? 
Some attempts I made at keeping it awkwardly real:

  • Cutting my hair into a baby dyke cut on several occasions.
  • Watching every gay/lez movie I could find in search of helpful tips.
  • Befriending the few openly gay girls at school.
  • Falling for one of the tough bad asses of the group only to find out she was dating another closeted friend (insert epic heartbreak here).
  • Dressing like a British school boy on a regular basis. 
  • Falling for the same straight girl all of my male friends liked.


  • Reading all of the feminist lit. and listening to all of the female, tear your panties off with my guitar, music I could find. 
  • Worrying if I was supposed to like my bestie just because I liked girls. (Note: This is a common newbie mistake, it's okay either way.)
  • Developing crushes on and dating femme boys.

Somehow in the midst of all of this I just kept hoping (and not hoping) that someone might just call me out in some embarrassing undeniable way.
Still how could they when I wasn't even fully out with myself?
At that age I wasn't really sure if it was just a phase or maybe a fetish that I could out grow (Oh, how that Southern Baptist guilt even got to the liberal Jewish kids.).
I assumed that since I enjoyed the company of guys that I could also enjoy having sex with them just as much as women. Right?
However, my past still dogged me. So I decided to try and find a way to leave home again the following summer. 
That summer I left for a theater internship at Vassar College (gay, gay, GAY!), with participants ranging in age from 17 to around 40.
Every person had their own dorm room (YES!). Which meant that so as long as everyone pulled their weight we were pretty much left to our own devices.

Finally my summer of love was here and this time I was not going to screw things up.  

Monday, November 1, 2010


Welcome back to the shit show.

    I wish that I could tell you that as my summer of lez love played out I became less sexually inhibited. 

However, truth be told outside of serving on one LGBT Q&A panel and my first trip to P-Town, I mostly stayed on my own sexual island. 
Only my friends in the LGBT circle knew. So it seemed that I was doomed to one unrequited summer crush after another.

Making the Short List:
Promiscuous bad girl lesbian who didn't think I was into her (are you kidding me?!?). 
Riot Girl Lesbian who seemed equally spooked by her own sexuality.
My documentary film professor, recently divorced in her early 40's(What can I say? I love smart older women.)
Note: Years later when I spoke to my PBG lez crush the exchange went as follows:

PBG: Really you had a crush on me back then? I had no idea.
Me: Ummm...yeah, but I was too afraid to say anything. 
PBG: Really? I totally would have hooked-up with you. 
Me: Damn.


By the end of the summer I really didn't know what to think. Sure I loved the ladies, but so far my track record was providing ample proof that I wasn't particularly good at snagging any of them. 

Part of this was because I was so awkward. 
At 16 I clearly had no game 

and I looked like a straight chick. 
Looking back I can have one "Ah ha!", moment after another. Although at the time all I could think was why? 
By the time I left Sexplo I was only partially out of the closet and unsure of how to face my life back in Virginia. 
What would I tell my best friend and would I tell my parents? 
Was I really willing to face further hazing by my peers?
I know, I was tired just thinking about it. zzzzzz...
Next time: The South rises again....
and then falls down. 
High-School Part 2: the Questionable Years